I have just come across a lovely book from a friend of mine Joyce Stranger, most humorous with excellent cartoons, here are some extracts.
Humans must be taught to walk on the lead too. Often Humans are very slow and just craw along, so you must pull hard and keep him moving or he will get fat and lazy. It’s best to keep a cracking fast speed as humans don’t take nearly enough exercise and its good for them to get out of breath.
Lots of humans nowdays are out of work and you can play a major part in the economy and give them work. If you destroy the furniture they need new chairs, which is good news for chair makers and if you rip off the wallpaper they need to new decorations. Chew the lead and they need a new one.
And, of course, it’s every dog’s duty to make sure his vet has plenty of work, so you can do this by swallowing things like frilly knickers, stones, pressure cooker valves, socks, gloves and so on.
If you walk near a golf course and find a ball, it’s a good idea to (a) bury it or (b) to pick it up and trot over to the golfer with it. Both will give you a very interesting insights into human behaviour.
Taken from Joyce Strangers book A Dog’s Guide To Buying Humans, ISBN 0-9513357-1-5